I don't know about you, but the worst part about the holidys (when you're single) is family things...
I love my family, now.
Now that I'm not 16 and angsty and filled with hormones that don't know what they are doing yet.
I love my family so much I show up to things without my mother. Yep, I'm so there. And it's awesome.
I drive myself, arrive early (by myself) with the food I cooked myself, and make small talk with all my relatives who I see only this time of year all... by myself.
I do this for a few reasons: 1. the booze are a lot easier to find when you're not walking into a room with my mother and her judge-y eyes, I'm finally old enough where I not only can legally drink, but I can do it without feeling like a bad ass. I don't want to feel like a bad ass. I'm not one, I know that now, and drinking only makes me cooler at parties, not with my family. And 2. my mother makes me want to club baby seals. Arriving somewhere without her gives me the ability to leave when I want to and not have to endure a car ride with my mother. I don't care how much gas costs, not worth it.
So, I love my family... but dammit, why does my mother have to tell people I'm bringing a date? If your mother says you're bringing a date, then you show up without a date, you just look sad and pathetic. And, I am not pathetic! okay? I may be sad, but that could be the booze mixed with the fact that my mother just pointed out to everyone that I didn't have a date.
But, umm, what happens when I have people (person) that I'm seeing, on a somewhat regular (sometimes horizontal *winkey face* or not) basis and they don't want to do the date-y family things with me? What happens when the guy you're seeing isn't interested in committing (although, he admittedly isn't seeing anyone else...) and therefore has no obligation to you or your holiday "prevent me from looking pathetic" plan?
Does that mean that I should just be okay with going to family things, alone, while he sits at home, alone, just because he doesn't want to exist as a part of my life in the eyes of my family?
I'm really good at giving advice, really, ask me anything, you'll get an intelligent answer and I'll probably be right; but when it comes to knowing what to do in my own life for my own situations I don't know anything. My emotions literally set up a barricade in my brain preventing any good advice from escaping, and therefore I go into every situation like a blubbering idiot.
I hate that. Blubbering and being an idiot.
Most of me knows that this guy isn't the one. But, he does so many wonderful things that are one worthy. And he is cute. And HUNG! Not that that matters (but srsly guys, so big), but there are other awesome things he is that the last guy wasn't. He is a good cook, and he likes to cook. He does the dishes as he is cooking.
If that doesn't make your panties wet you've never lived/cooked with anyone on a regular basis. Trust me, it's an awesome trait.
He is snugly in bed and kisses me first thing in the morning and once again before he leaves for work. He also gives me my own blanket and three pillows, that too is very important.
And, a spectacular wonderful thing: he texts in proper English. Every time.
But, he was engaged 9 short months ago, and because of this he isn't emotionally in a place to let go again. And, I understand that. Which is why I'm not pushing anything.
But, jeese... I just want a date for the holidays.
