I was doing laundry earlier today when I walked in on the washing machine going buck wild crazy on the spin cycle. I couldn’t resist. I walked over to it, hopped up on top of it and imagine, for just a moment, that I had some guy there to take advantage of the situation with.
Have you ever actually done it on the washing machine? If so, was it ever actually good? I’ve tried it a few times… with varying results. There was one time in particular that stands out as both hot and humorous; it was the perfect combination for Sex and the Shitty’s story time.
A few summers ago I was living at a beach house with three guys. A beach house probably sounds like a sexy scenario, right? Take a second to imagine what you think of when you hear the words, beach house. Now, imagine the exact opposite of that and you will start to have a grasp on the less-than-sexy living situation I was in. The guys were great, but the house was abysmal. The four of us, and whatever girls the guys brought back home, toughed it out for four months. Our self-medication of sunstroke and binge drinking kept us sane. Since I was sleeping with one of the guys, we got the secluded main bedroom at the end of the hall. Despite the room’s seclusion, sexy time consistently lacked heat. The fact that the floor shook from someone simply walking down the hall constantly plagued my mind and forced us to be far tamer than we would have enjoyed.
One night, while the guys were out I started doing some laundry. The machines were, predictably, craptacular. The entire house rocked when the spin cycle began. We had a rule that if someone was napping no one was allowed to do laundry, because it was impossible to sleep through. On this particular evening, the machine seemed to be oscillating more than ever before. That was the exact thought that went through my mind as my bedroom buddy walked through the front door, solo. I sort of motioned to him, and it was like he read my mind because we didn’t even exchange words. Before he was down the hall I was already positioned atop the machine and the spin cycle had just begun. I was wearing a short little summer dress, which made the transition into sex seamless. It was so hot, but just as things were getting good the machine stopped dead. We took it into the bedroom to finish things up. Karma was on my side because just as we shut the bedroom door the other two guys opened the front door.
After we finished, my bedroom buddy joined the guys while I threw my wet clothes in the dryer. The next afternoon, I was sitting in the living room when I heard one of the roommates cursing in disgust, “What the fuck is wrong with this washing machine?” It turns out the washing machine hadn’t stopped because the load was done; it had stopped because our motion was throwing the spin cycle off. We’d broken it! Luckily, due to the washing machine being so originally ghetto no one suspected it was anything other than the machine’s time to go.
I’m off to finish the laundry!
