So there are three types of basic investing which are Bonds, Stocks and Mutual Funds. The security, risk and reward of each vary and as I will demonstrate, the differing traits and personalities of men can be correlated with the basics. I should have totally been given extra credit for this.
BONDS:
Bonds are the safest to invest in but usually have a lower rate of return. You can get government or corporate bonds and bond values differ depending on the economy and whether interest rates rise or fall.
The type of man that would fall into the bond category has many different traits that closely tie with bonds. These men are usually boring but offer security and are VERY predictable. Even though you are guaranteed the face value of your investment, because the rate of return is less, ladies he may just be this lame between the sheets too. He is a gentleman though, so points for that.
His mood will depend on his social situation and he is probably tight with money. He won’t take you sky diving but he will take you home to Mom. He will cherish you, he will protect you but only if you wear no make-up and like to be walked all over---like him. He is the typical nice guy that everyone is friends with but just can’t take that extra step and go for what he wants. He is afraid of failure and rejection, so he’s sensitive as well. Risk and his name are not in the same sentence. He is intelligent and logical but will not get rich fast.
Bonds are straight forward; not in telling you what they want but in simplicity. You would be dating the Government of Canada.
MUTUAL FUNDS:
Mutual funds are my favourite. I like MF’s, they are diversified and I get to taste different dividends. I can use MF’s to invest, save or get some interest cash flow. MF’s come with greater investment risk, but the rate of return can be substantial, so the risk is probably worth it. I can buy shares and sell them if I want or buy more, depends on what my goals are.
The types of men that resemble MF’s are pretty balanced. They like their risk but its thought out and calculated. The main difference may be what type of MF they want to invest in. Some like safer MF’s such as national units or they may enjoy riskier investments in the international market. They also like diversifying their portfolio and will wait a while to take you home to Mom as they want to make sure you are right.
There are also front end loaded and back end loaded MF’s but that is a bit too complicated for this piece, which these men will probably be; complicated. When dealing with these types of men, you may have to pay for your meal but if your ‘whatever’ lasts, you will be comfortable in retirement…or so you should hope.
You would be dating Johnny Depp ;) Of course.
STOCKS…good ol’ stocks:
We all love stocks, for their rises and regrettably for their falls. Ladies these men, just like the unpredictability in the market will inevitability break your heart…unless you’re dating Wal-Mart. These men love the thrill of the competition, of the hunt. You are a challenge to them and it’s all about getting their share value up and then trading you in for a more valuable stock. Unlike the Red Light District in Amsterdam, stock men hate red, so wear green.
Now if you can keep a stock man, he will be like Mr. Big, a flirt, a cheater to some degree, impulsive and spontaneous. Expect no loyalty unless he predicts your value will increase. If you love taking a risk, so does this man. He will give you a night on the town but only expect one date and a hell of a night between the sheets. He is not in to commitment so don’t expect a ring and he will probably say he does not have a Mom for you to meet.
Don’t try to change him, you are easily exchangeable and he will get advice from his broker(s). He is the bad boy, the one your friends and Mom tell you to stay away from but there is that energy and mysteriousness of not knowing what is next with him. It may be better to stay away from the stock man if you want a ring on your finger. He may suffer anxiety or fits of rage if he didn’t do well in the market, so be cautious. He may also be extremely superficial and will not date women whose stock values are declining.
Although…the stock man could probably buy a hefty rock, only if diamonds stocks are compatible.
You would be dating Christian Bale in American Psycho.
