After a surge of vampire movies and television shows flooding mass media, I find myself questioning more and more whether or not, given the opportunity, if I would sleep with a mystical being. Taking it all the way back to Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie) circa 1992, was anyone not attracted to Luke Perry? Now, with the release of the Twilight Saga, True Blood on HBO, The Vampire Diaries, and countless Harlequin style vampire romances, how can I not want to get down and dirty with a man of the night? Traditionally vampires were seen as blood sucking monsters, and something to be feared. Now, they can be regarded as almost human-like, with one unmistakeable difference – THEY ARE BETTER LOVERS.
Take for example the relationship between Sookie and Bill in True Blood. I’m pretty sure they have more amazing sex, more often than any human/human couple I know. Because Bill lives such a dangerous lifestyle, they also have constant excitement and hazard to face, and they’ll always have passionate make-up sex to “remind” each other how real their love is and how lucky they are to be alive. It’s like they’ll never leave the honeymoon period. In our boring, human/human relationships the honeymoon period ends after a couple of months and soon we find ourselves picking fights out of boredom or because it’s worth it (most the time) for the make-up sex.
So I ask myself, given the chance, would I sleep with or enter a relationship with a vampire? Abso-fucking-lutely. While the risk is huge (dangerous lifestyle, bloodsucking, parents wouldn’t approve etc.), the benefit is better. Unless you’re Bella Swan **SPOILER ALERT** there is no possible chance to get pregnant or catch an STD. He can sneak in and out of your room without parental knowledge at any time of day or night. He’ll always be fit, strong, and protect you from assholes of the world. OH, and did I mention the SEX would always be EARTH SHATTERING. The risks are nothing in comparison. Are we not risking enough by sleeping with dumb human men? Pregnancy, STD’s, heartbreak, parental disapproval, and worst –BAD SEX, are just some of the risks we face every time we enter a relationship with a regular guy.
So, next time you find yourself watching a vampire on TV or at the movies, ask yourself... Is it unreasonable I want to be jumping his bones right now?
**The term Vampire refers to, but it not limited to all mystical beings (especially werewolves) with the exceptions of Elves, Fairies, Hobbit’s and Satan.
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
