What are the rules pertaining to sex with an ex? Is it ever okay to hop back under the sheets, or should you avoid that road for the sake of everyone’s sanity?
Fooling around with a ghost from the past will almost always cause a haunting. Once a relationship has died and the exorcism of good memories has occurred there is no need to go poking and prodding at the gravesite. If the allure of the undead is too much for you to handle you will find yourself in a compromising position. Be prepared to fight a city full of zombies; you’re in for a sinister ride.
If you’re not over him you’re going to get hurt all over again. Having sex with him may make you feel like a million bucks in the heat of the moment, but a few days later when your heart is shattered you’ll regret your decision. Those lust filled minutes will resurface every memory you worked so hard to shut out. Unrealistic thoughts will plague your mind, and you’ll imagine the two of you falling back in love and laughing at the foolish “break” you once took. If you did it in your bed I suggest you wash your sheets immediately or the smell of him is going to kill you!
If he’s not over you you’re going to create a monster of another kind. You’ll either unleash “Angry Ex” or “Depressed Ex” (neither of which will make you feel good about yourself). Angry Ex will send nasty texts calling you a whore; tell friends, neighbours, and strangers how evil you are; get drunk and throw eggs at your car; and/or many other endless and scary possibilities. Depressed Ex is arguably worse. He’ll be on your conscience and images of tears welling up in his eyes will play on repeat in your mind. Unless you are an asshole you won’t have intended to hurt him, and knowing that you have will make you feel rotten. Simply put, the sex will not have been worth it.
If you’re both over one another: tread carefully! This might seem like an ideal situation but beware of both fake feelings and residual feelings:
Fake feelings are lies composed by the ex to convince you that he is over you. He may be telling you that he’s over you and that he is okay with it being “just sex” but how can you be certain? If he is hiding his true feelings he likely has a plan in mind: if I sleep with her, maybe she will fall back in love with me. In short, fake feelings come from the result of a depressed ex who is only going to become more depressed when his plan doesn’t pan out.
Residual feelings are feelings you thought were dead and gone but will materialize once you’ve slept together. They will be triggered by the physical, and suddenly what your brain wanted pre-sex won’t be what it wants post-sex. The outlook that both individuals will have these residual feelings is not bright.
In most situations, if feelings are still involved, sex with an ex will just complicate things. If feelings are no longer involved sex could make them resurface. Yet, knowing this, sex with an ex is common and in some cases even expected. It can be a strangely hot experience of reminiscing and getting to know one another all over again. The ambiguity of right versus wrong may haunt you either way.
Can the Ex-Files ever be successfully opened under the covers, or should the deceased relationship stay underground?
