Wally’s articles always provide a great source of inspiration, and his last post, Bro code, was no exception. We all know the saying ‘chicks before dicks’, but beyond the flimsy motto is there actually such thing as a girl code? I’ve decided to re-write Wally’s article from the highly jaded female perspective.
I like to bash men on this blog, but the truth is I love men. I prefer the company of men. I am more comfortable around men. Women make me nervous, self conscious, and irritated. Other than a select handful of the crème de la crème, I do not trust women. I don’t have a core group of girlfriends, but I do have a core group of life-support, which includes some amazing women. I have female acquaintances. I’ll hang out with other women but the second they start acting like lunatics and dragging in drama, I bolt! I also don’t trust them as far as I can throw them, so I don’t give them any reason to let me down. Too many women have burned me. I’m definitely damaged goods when it comes to the female race. As confusing as men are, I’m thankful to not be a lesbian!
After careful thought I’ve decided there are actually two versions of the girl code: the rule and the reality!
Rule | Reality |
If a girl has first dibs on a guy you leave him alone | There is no such thing as dibs. If a girl is attracted to a guy and the attraction is reciprocated, they are going to end up fucking. |
Never talk badly about one of your girls in front of a man | Talk badly about your girl the second her back is turned no matter who it is in front of |
If she hooks up with someone ugly you have to support her. | If she hooks up with someone ugly you make extra fun of her behind her back. |
If a friend’s ex makes advances on you don’t pursue it and tell your friend immediately, unless it’s years later and you have her blessing | Act now apologize later, but only if she finds out |
If your friend is cheating on a boyfriend do not condone the behaviour but do not tell the guy | Option a) Condone her behaviour with a high five and keep your lips shut Option b) Don’t tell the guy, but gossip about it to everyone and their cousin Option c) Tell the guy Option d) Tell the guy and offer him a revenge fuck |
Support her in her decision to date a douche bag if she chooses | Option A) Boycott the friendship by telling her “she’s changed” Option B) Tell her you support her, but talk about how pathetic she is behind her back |
Be a good wingwoman by flirting with an ugly guy if necessity calls for it | Cock block out of pure jealousy that your friend “dibsed” the hot one |
A girls night means just that, no boys | A girls night means inevitably ditching your girlfriends for the aforementioned douche bag |
Never bail for a guy | Always bail for a guy, and chastise your girlfriend when she bails on you |
I should also admit that while I sit here and chastise women for being shady I am no exception to the rule. I’ve done some of the things in the right hand column. Perhaps I’m doing some as we speak. Further proof that chicks are whack!
