This is the story of the sleaziest date I have ever had been on. Please don’t judge me.
My best friend and I had met these two pretty Asian girls at bar. We quickly found out, after introducing ourselves, that both barely spoke English, and they had come to Canada to attend English school. I don’t know what it is with that bar but I keep meeting girls there who were here to learn English. As much as that sounds like a road block it was the best thing that could have happened. We all had an awesome time drinking, dancing, making out and trying to communicate, which involved a lot of hand gestures and sound effects. Just to get started with the sleazy bits: my buddy (unknown to them) had been on drugs the whole night. We exchanged numbers and said we would all meet up again. Now I’m not huge on conventional dating (I’ll write and article about that later) but my buddy really wanted to go, and it seemed like a good idea, so we got in touch with the girls and set it up.
Now we really weren’t sure how it was going to go, so we made a flexible plan. We would go to the movies with these girls, and if everything went well we would ask them out to a bar afterwards; But if we didn’t hit it off, we would call it a date, say good night, and hit the bar without them (perhaps picking up some other girls). Not the most compassionate plan, but who wants to waste a night? We agreed to have a conversation about inviting them out or not when the time came. Being excellent planners, but poor students, we brought booze in a backpack for pre-drinking should we head to the bar alone.
Well we didn’t even make it to the theater with out nearly picking up some other pretty girl. What can I say? We were lost she happened to know the way! When we met up with our dates I found out I'd gotten the times for the wrong theater and we would have to choose a different movie (not excellent planning after all). Though it didn’t really affect the date much, the whole timing thing was pretty well lost in translation and I don’t think they understood the mix up. We chatted as we waited in line for tickets. We certainly didn’t pay for them; in fact I’m pretty sure I showed her how to use the machine because she wasn’t so great at reading English yet.
The movie went well, we all seemed to have fun so we got some beers at this lounge in the theater. I don’t know why but my date suddenly became super boring, she wasn’t even trying to make fun conversation. Meanwhile my buddy and his date were getting along like a burning barn. I would discover that night the full range of his extraordinary conversational skills. He leaned over between the girls looked me in the eye and gave me a double head nod. Wait… what? Was this the “conversation” we were supposed to have? I just shot him back a look of confusion. Apparently his eye coding sucks, because he went right ahead and asked them both out to the bar. Well fuck. How am I supposed to entertain this girl for the rest of the night? I guess some nights you get the girl, and some nights you have to be the wing.
On the walk there we suddenly remembered we still had the booze we'd packed. We definitely couldn’t afford a night of buying drinks at the bar, so we did what any student would do; we chugged it in a back alley. My memories of trying to explain to these girls why we needed to chug wine in a back alley are priceless! I guess where they’re from, drinking in public is neither illegal nor necessary. Fortunately for us, they hadn’t been in Canada long enough to realize how sleazy that was. To add icing to the cake, we were drinking Kelly’s, a cooking Sherri, and mathematically the cheapest source of alcohol available at the LCBO! I can’t imagine why the girls didn’t want any?
The bar we took them to is probably the biggest frat bar in the city, not that we're frat guys or anything, it just happened to be a good place to go on a Thursday. Once we got in there we danced and drank, but still my girl would not liven up! Eventually I got frustrated, set her on my knee and made out with her out of boredom. It was a pretty risky move but it's not like I had a lot to lose. Anyhow, it worked! She livened up a lot after that.
Not my most impressive night, but I guess over all it was a success. It’s been a year or so and my buddy and his girl are still together, plus we both have a ridiculous story to tell!
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