My post below is a fear based post. My angst is coming from my own deep seated insecurities that I'm not that special. That's bullshit. I am pretty cool, and have a lot to offer, and quite frankly I think he knows that too. His lack of contact is his lack of contact, it's not a reflection of me. He may be leading up to dumping me, or he might not be. I can't get in his head because clearly there's something going on. I am choosing to love myself whether he does or not. I will choose to be grateful for what we've had, because it was/is special and not let bitterness and fear spoil it, even if it ends. That is my choice.
My goal to be hotter for him will continue, because regardless it's best for me to eat clean and excercise. Giving any guy the best me is in my best interest. I'm going to get out of bed (ya I'm still in it at 8:45 am and shake my groove thing jogging to the office and work my ass off). I feel better already.
Yes I did send a text to him despite what I said below and am pleased with what I said.
Me: Hey I'm trying to put myself in your shoes and figure out why you're not contacting me. I haven't gotten the impression you're an a-hole, so there's gotta be a reason I figure. A good reason I mean. Hope everything is going well.
I choose to believe the best rather than the worst, it's a conscious choice made from a place of confidence about myself. It's not me being a door mat, it's me saying I am a good judge of character and nothing, except knowing he struggles to communicate at times, has told me he'd be this big of a jerk and there's something outside of his/my control going on. I can't control what he does, and I don't want to. Period.
I still have no idea what happens next. It might be bad, it might be good. I just know that I'll be okay because I choose to be grateful not bitter.
WOW! No word of a lie while I'm typing this post he calls me. He had a believable and good reason for not calling me. My attitude on the phone was loving and sweet, his was as well. I'm glad I arrived at this attitude before he called, otherwise who knows how it might have gone. *my title was entered before the call.
Grateful.
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