I've been cruising the internet for interesting blogs the last few days. Heartiste (hate the name), had a commenter who posted a link to a woman's blog, I landed and then cruised to a number of women's sites. Ordinarily the largest majority of blogs I visit are from men's points of view - exception Bhetti, Rebekah and Sofia (sidebar links). So I ended up on a ladies blog, won't mention the name to protect the person, and found it pretty interesting, good writing and she has an attractive personality. The posts I read were about a woman (her) having a relationship with a guy who told her he didn't want a relationship, but likes her for... 'you know'. So she was 'you knowing' with him, and it was great, if not amazing 'you know'. Girls were weighing in on the comments saying she shouldn't count on him yada yada yada, and other girls saying "you go girlfriend!". I felt sad when I read it because it showed me how deluded we women are about our worth to men. We think that if we're awesome in bed and the chemistry is right, he WILL fall in love with us. If he dumps us we think we're the best he's ever going to get. We D E L U D E ourselves. She admits to growing feelings and I feel like I can see the end and it's not pretty. Today she wrote a post on being a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding and how upset she was about her size and how she knew she'd look. I realized then this girl wasn't slender or curvy, she was fat. She wasn't happy about her fat either. I also figured out why she may be still single and why the dude is interested in hitting it, but not 'being' with it.
I wrote a well intentioned comment. Said I'd been bigger once upon a time and found a great way to eat and knew she could do it. (She'd complained about not being able to stick diets in her post). I told her that she owed it to herself and her future man. I told her the truth about how men really are visual creatures and that biologically they want women who look fertile and what fertility looks like i.e. waist to hip ratio wise. I told her this current guy was never going to stick around and that I felt she knew that already.
You can see where this is going right?
I was put in moderation. And then my comment was deleted. It's not going to see the light of day and I know there are women who go to her site who need the truth too. Hell she needs the truth!
Point of this is I know she's been reading a lot of my posts. I want her to read this one. I want her to know I mean well and that rather than running from the truth, why not choose to run into it! The cliche the truth will set you free is true.
I ended my comment positively, as I'm won't to do, and told her just the act of starting would lose her 10lbs of mental weight. Guess she's more comfortable carrying it around.
To the blog writer I'm sorry you felt what you felt and what caused you not to post my comment. I really did mean well, it wasn't meant to be sanctimonious advice. I wanted to help . If you'd like to tell me why in a private email why you wouldn't post it and how I may have offended you, that would be welcome. aoefeansar@gmail.com (I have no intention of a flame war and will not tell anyone where your blog is, don't want any haters and/or other well meaning people to bother you). This post was public only because I know you're reading my blog and I wanted another chance to speak to you and have you think about what I said.
So best advice - Eat Good Food (the gist of my comment), Be Kind (was really aiming for that), and Tell the Truth (it hurts sometimes, but it's important to tell it).
The end.
