We're guys, we think about sex all the time, so its only natural that turning us on shouldn't be like a rubiks cube, its not complicated stuff. But I'm not alone here when I say women still find a way to fuck things up in the bedroom (pun NOT intended). Some girls I wonder if they have never seen a porno or if they have been sleeping with Chris Crocker because some girls are completely clueless. Here is my list of things that turn guys off
Backlayers
I can't tell you how disappointed I get when I'm having sex with a really attractive girl, and it becomes painfully obvious you exemplify the "princess" attitude. Princess in the sense that the guy has to do all the work while you lay there like a fish. Look all night I listened to you babble on about how much you hate your fellow female co-workers at the very least you could put in the same effort in the bedroom.
Girls who don't enjoy sex
Some of you exist, I suggest dating a boring guy in the finance industry. As for me, I love sex and no matter how cool you are, this won't work out.
Your complelty naked and you say "I don't think we should"
Listen sweety, that ship has sailed. If your with me instead of your boyfriend, I'm sure he's thrilled right now your laying naked beside a stranger. Or perhaps your playing the whole "I'm a good girl role" This isn't the 1950's, I could care less if you wait 3 dates, if both parties are comfortable and ready then just do it.
Lousy Blowjobs
Girls sometime take the word "blow" in blowjob to heart a little too much. This doesn't mean you must ONLY use your mouth and you CANT use your hands. Don't treat it like an actual hotdog either for Christ sakes, leave the teeth out of it. Lubrication, hands and mouth, repeat repeat....its pretty simple.
Lousy kissers
I once hooked up with a girl who use to bite (and not like a sexy little nibble either) on my lip like a fat kid on a BigMac. It hurt and needless to say, the pain was the sure fire cure for losing my erection. Not too sloppy either, if I wanted to kiss a fish I'd date Anne Hathaway.
Getting impatiant and pissed if we aren't "hard"
When your in your teens and into your twenty's, lets face it, we are Viagra. But sometimes, whether its booze or stress, sometimes it takes a bit more for the train to leave the station. Be patient, and don't get frustrated. Keep in mind how much work it is to get you guys off sometimes. I can't be Ron Jeremy EVERY night.
Keeping things untidy
I don't mind a little bit of hair down there so it doesn't look like I'm sleeping with a minor, but it should be common sense that a 70's porno bush aren't appealing at all. For that matter, nipple hair or any hair of sorts on the body should be eliminated. Fasted way to kill the mood, HAIR !
"I've only done this once before"
As I'm writing this, a thought has dawned that perhaps I'm sleeping with girls who are too young. A fuck it, NEVER say this. Fake it to you make it ! If you pretend your OK at something, we can communicate till we get it right. Saying "I've only done this once" sounds like you have zero confidence in the sack" unless of course you're faking an orgasm, then I'll have to kill you.
"I slept with blah blah blah"
Its appealing a girl who knows what she is doing in the sack, but I don't need to hear about the time you blew the tattoo artist in the bathroom. Keep your Rolodex on the downlo and I'll do the same. Most guys just ballpark how many guys a girl has slept with based on your skills anyways.
"Your so hot" (on repeat 3x)
I get it, I'm attractive, I'm pretty sure that's about 50% of the reason we're here right now having sex. But stop saying it like I'm some Greek god in a romance novel. The good news is that your hot too, hence me sleeping with you !
Getting pissed when we put on SportsCenter after sex
I'm tired, I just did the horizontal version of P90x and I'm extremely sweaty. So much so I can hardly talk, and I just missed the last period of the hockey game. Lie next to me for a job well done, and lets both be quiet while we catch up on all the stuff we missed in the world of sports.
I think that's pretty much it. Look guys aren't perfect (as pointed out in Elle's article) but lets work together so we can all have some great sex....DEAL ??
